When I was considering this post, I recalled an article with the same title that I had clipped and saved a couple of years ago. The article was a conversation between writer P.L. Travers (author of Mary Poppins) and Laurens van der Post, a man who, from the 1940s through 1980s, was known as a best-selling author, environmentalist, and advisor to heads of state (he was a close friend of Prince Charles and Margaret Thatcher). However, after his death in 1996 his reputation was questioned when some biographers suggested he might have embellished (others say “made up”) much of his own story.
 
The Truth Be Told
 
For van der Post, the real truth may still be undiscovered, but it made me wonder, where is the truth in our stories? When do we move from nonfiction to creative nonfiction? I’m sure we all come across clients that present challenges to our fact checking. A potential client once told me that capturing the story of her sister would be most difficult because she no longer knows what is true and what isn’t. Working with the elderly, I move from those whose memories are fading or lost to those filled with more memories than we can capture. I call this continuum “From Memories Lost to Memory Filled.” Sometimes our writing expertise is called into play to fill in the blanks and embellish for historical significance and readability. 
 
In the article, P.L. Travers asked Van der Post, “Where do the stories go?” He responded that we “can’t ask what we can do to get them back but know only that it has to be done.” This statement reinforces our mission. 
 
History Shapers
 
Experienced personal historians have spent years developing their craft, and they realize that as we listen and capture story in all its forms, we layer our story teller’s story with our own understanding, our view, our time and place. 
 
Even when transcribed verbatim, our own tone and texture can add a layer of perspective.  Through no deliberate intention, we either intensify or diminish the lessons learned or the stories told.  
 
Think of the words used by the story teller that can be different from those of the story writer, the chronicler in any medium: terminology that is long gone, cultural phrases, values, and viewpoints. The world lived by the narrator — a world of dust storms, world wars, global depressions—is different from the world of the writer.  
 
Before we can fully answer the question “where do all the stories go,” we must acknowledge that stories journey through many people and places before they settle in, if they ever do.   The act of capturing a story is not static. Stories move through us in time. The person who lived the stories and the person the stories are told to, each wear it, live it, own it, and then pass it on. Stories are fluid, like a river, and, as a recent client described his fishing expeditions, we “catch and release” the stories told to us.
 
The Value of Story in the Future
 
Many of us hear that today’s children are not interested in stories of their ancestors. My response is always “Give them time, but be ready when they are.” Like an internal clock, come mid-40s or early 50s, once other life demands have settled, an individual’s need for answers surfaces.   
 
P.L. Travers suggests that our offspring don’t see the value of story, “having become disconnected to its value [like their disconnect to the earth].  Lacking the extended family, separated from the tribe, and therefore from the stories, what [do] they have to lean upon.  Already the stories are becoming unavailable to those who need them most.”
 
There is the key. It is our job to make the stories available.
 
There is strength in reminiscing, the coming to terms with our earlier selves. Remember the scene in Mary Poppins when out of an “empty” carpet bag, Mary pulls out all sorts of everyday magical items? What can we find if we look back and in to our past?
 
My favorite example of reaching back to bring history forward is portrayed in Steven Spielberg’s 1997 film Amistad, based on the 1839 true story of 53 illegally purchased African slaves, being transported from Cuba to the U.S., who stage a successful mutiny. Former president John Quincy Adams argued on behalf of the slaves before the U.S. Supreme Court, eventually determining the Africans to be free men. (http://www.history.com/topics/amistad-case ) In the movie, Cinque, the leader of the slave group, assures Adams that they won’t be facing the court alone. Adams agrees, saying they will have right on their side, but Cinque explains what he means: “I meant my ancestors. I will call into the past, far back to the beginning of time, and beg them to come and help me at the judgment. I will reach back and draw them into me. And they must come, for at this moment, I am the whole reason they have existed at all.”  (https://cinema-fanatic.com/2014/04/24/movie-quote-of-the-day-amistad-1997-dir-steven-spielberg/)
 
It is true for all of us: At this moment, we are the reason our ancestors have existed.
 
Next week, in part 2 of this post, I will look at how our stories are lifelines to the past and present and explore how we can grab on to them.
 
(End part 1)

Summer.  A time for gearing down.  As an experienced multi-tasker this can be as difficult as running a marathon.  Throughout my life folks commented on my limitless energy.  Was it my personality?  My astrological sign? Diet Coke?  Or just me?  Bob, a lifelong farmer told me one day to ‘gear down’.  I loved that.  I can hear the gears of his orange Allis Chalmers tractor shift down as he worked in Wisconsin’s corn fields.  
 
My own senior chapter began recently and along with it came an unplanned reduction in speed and activity. I won’t use the ‘r’ word (retirement), but gone is the need to multi-task and as my sister-in-law reminded me, “It, whatever it is, will still be there tomorrow.”  But stopping completely is not in my genes. I hope to work at my storied craft until my 90’s maybe stopping long enough to engross myself in that which lies before me like pausing to take in Ireland’s Cliffs of Moher.  (Photo by Mattisson Francis Voell, 2004)
 
But what does multi-tasking have to do with capturing stories.  It came to my attention that a growing body of research indicates that multi-tasking in fact takes a toll on at least our short term memory, and in time, our long term memory.  The research suggests that even though we think we are accomplishing two or three things at once – the question is, to what end?  In 2009 Ruth Pennebaker wrote, “… researchers at Stanford University published a study showing that the most persistent multi-taskers perform badly in a variety of tasks. They don’t focus as well as nonmulti-taskers. This phenomenon is now labeled the “distraction economy.”  http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/04/11/multitasking-takes-toll-on-memory-study-finds | http://www.nyties.com/2009/08/30/weekinreview/30pennebaker.html | http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/25/the-cost-of-multitasking_n_4661761.html.
 
Giving Memories Time to Surface. 
 
The Legacies mission of capturing and preserving stories takes time.  It takes time, attention and focus to help guide the interviewee beyond the episodic over told Kodak stories to explore and discover the layers of life’s experiences and emotions.   

Legacies projects vary from a few months to a year or more.  We have learned that this is not a venture you rush through over a few weekends or a task on your to-do list.  Give your storyteller full attention by turning off technology.  Offer your storyteller psychological air helping to breathe life into their tales and narratives. Go beyond the surface and ask the who, what, when, where and why questions.   Whether it’s Mondays with Dad, or third Thursdays with Grandma Cora, give the care needed to uncover a life well lived.  Gear down. 
 
And as always, let us know how we can help. 

Get started ... before it’s too late! 

Mary

Mary Patricia Voell

And don't forget the many presentations that Legacies has to offer.  If you part of a senior living environment, trust attorney or estate planning associations, business groups, funeral homes, senior centers or faith based organizations looking for a program, workshop or keynote speaker, let us know.   

 

“Someday, no one will remember what I remember.”
Essays After Eighty by Donald Hall
 
This past week I spoke at the statewide Alzheimer’s Conference presenting a newly created Legacies program entitled:  Timelines.  Storylines.  Lifelines.  The Healing Power of Storytelling.  The pretense is that stories play significant roles in our lives.  Mounting research does more than make antidotal feel-good references to its impact, but to the amazing and vital connections between memories, the brain and storytelling.  There is hope on our horizon.   
 
With a back story in theater and performance, marketing and public relations, education and development, each personal and professional chapter demanded the telling of stories. Like a sunesis my journey has merged ideas, other’s voices and expertise and my own experience, for a deeper understanding of story.  
 
In Braiding Sweet Grass, Robin Wall Kimmerer, biology professor, mother and Potawatomi woman uses the noun ‘river’ as a verb, ‘to river.’  It moves. It is alive.  In that living river I have witnessed the energy and power which stories and storytelling has on us when stories of health and healing, relationships, culture and careers, travels, trials and bucket lists unfold, as we reveal our own storied lives and truths.  
 
“I wish I would have” is reiterated by attendees in my Legacies presentations. I wish I would have captured mom’s recipes, dad’s sports stories, Aunt Martha’s musical career or Grandpa’s battle experience.  Many carry with them an unspoken gnawing guilt as they realize that they did not stop and listen long enough to absorb the stories of their loved ones, and that they are now the link, the story keepers, the preservers of a lifetime - not just their own. 
 
At the same time there are those who are hard at work recording and preserving their legacy, the generational ‘responsibility’ as Studs Terkel suggests.  And we frequently hear the pride of storytellers who share their newly found family treasures.  They can’t wait to announce who their great-great-great uncle on their mother’s side was, what happened during the bar brawl in the 1850’s, or what they discovered in the dusty corners of the attic.    
 
And as we age, giving voice to our stories acts as an unveiling of what lies beneath, providing healing and peace.  My own background in interpersonal communication offers a framework to delve further into the healing powers of story, for there is healing in …
 
… the Telling.
In The Red Tent biblical women come together to share and pass on stories, teaching in story-form. “Anthropologists note that storytelling could have persisted in human culture because it promoted social cohesion among groups and served as a valuable method to pass on knowledge to future generations, ”  Jeremy Hsu writes in Scientific American Mind / August-September 2008.
 
Today, a client's life is defined by the stories he’s lived and continues to share with his family who are enthralled and engrossed by his yarns.    
 
… the Repetition.
“Daddy, tell me that story again.”  There is something in the repetition, the continual telling of the story.
 
… the Timing.
Joseph Bruchac in The Storytelling Seasons:  Reflections on Native American Storytelling Traditions teaches us that certain stories were to be told only at certain times.  He quotes Lenore Kesshig-Tobias, “most traditional stories were told only at night time in the winter.  Others were told only in ceremonies.  The timing of the story was just as important as the telling. 
 
… the Vocalization.  The Use and Sound of Voice.
Storytelling uses a combination of nighttime talk, the language of our subconscious with images and fantasies when we express our deepest self and daytime talk of declarative sentences and explanation.  (Taylor)  Who is your favorite storyteller?  Can you hear the sound of their voice?   
 
… the Language.
Listening to a great yarn by a practiced storyteller is an event to be treasured. These gifted professionals choose the right word, the right inflection, the right description as they weave us in and around their tales, captivating our attention, engaging us in their TALL TALES. 
 
… the Freeing.  The Releasing.  The Letting go.
"There is no greater agony than carrying around an untold story within yourself.“  (Maya Angelou)  Reflecting on the past, whether it is my life or helping others travel back, can be psychologically purging, and as therapists have known all along, therapeutic. The moments of gratitude filled with genuine tears and hugs that emerge, knowing that their life did in fact mean something, is witness to the impact and healing power of both storytelling of all kinds.     

… the Listening.  
Joseph Bruchac in The Storytelling Seasons:  Some Reflections on Native American Storytelling Traditions reminds us that “For a story is truly told only when someone listens.”   “Why does our brain seem to be wired to enjoy story, asks Jeremy Hsu.  “If you hear someone tell a story from their life you know about their values, you know what they believe in, you know what’s important to them.”  If one empathically listens, listens between the lines, we are open not only to moments and memories, but to values, personalities, hopes and dreams. 
 
… the Connectivity.  The Relationship(s).
Kimberly contracted with Legacies to capture and preserve her husband’s stories.  She writes:  “We received the draft of "A Man of Many Stories" last evening. I love that title!!!!   The first draft is, simply put....amazing!  As much as a gift to Nick, it is a gift to myself as well. To read it, is to experience Nick in a different way. It helped me see him from a different perspective and as I read it I reflected on what an amazing man he is and what truly is important to him. At different times in our relationships we take the ones we love the most for granted and forget the why behind it. This draft refreshes all of that. It is a form of therapy!!!!  I just wanted to say thank you through the many tears of joy as I read page by page. 
 
… the Writing.  The Art.  The Music.  The Dance.
Writers, musicians, dancers, artists or poets witness first-hand the interplay between the creative hemisphere of our brain and the psychophysical states of being - that the body is a physical expression of one’s mental and emotional state.  The connection between our mental state and our physical states have finally become obvious and accepted. 
 
… the Attention Paid. 
In our work as caregivers we experience tremendous isolation and loneliness.  At times, in an effort to be efficient, we gather our residents in group settings unable to give them the focused attention they hunger for and need.  How can we give them the much deserved time as Donna, a caregiver for an area home said:  “they loved the attention you gave them as they told, and you listened to and wrote their story.” 
 
… the Laughter
When laughter is shared, it binds people together and increases happiness and intimacy. Laughter also triggers healthy physical changes in the body. Humor and laughter strengthen one's immune system, boost one's energy, diminish pain, and protect us from the damaging effects of stress. And what generates the best laughter … stories. 
 
… the Shared Joy.  The Shared Empathy.
There is a set of areas in our brain that become active when we are in pain.  Most of these areas also become active when we watch someone else in pain, to literally feel their pain.  Our capacity for this is why stories are so absorbing.  When we see another person suffer, we might tell ourselves that it’s their issue, not ours, but neurons deep in our brain can’t tell the difference. To empathize is crucial to social interaction and communal living, and to understanding stories.  Jeremy Hsu, Scientific American Mind / August-September 2008.
 

Celebrating our mothers today, and fathers this coming June reminds us all to take the time to capture, record and preserve their story, before it’s too late. 
 
And, please join with me to find answers and cures for this time-robbing, story-robbing, life-robbing Dementias by participating in on-going Alzheimer’s Research. Whether dementia is part of your family history or not, individual of all ages and health are asked to join in the search for a cure at alzheimers_enews@alz.org or info@endalznow.org.
 
Mary
Mary Patricia Voell
 
 

Joan was a participant in a small storytelling group of a local memory care unit.   A very soft spoken woman, her dementia affected her ability to process a question and formulate her response.  Her verbal skills were intact for if asked to read she could with ease.  What I learned through Joan’s form of dementia was that the pressure to respond was the inhibiting factor.  What I continue to learn is how dementia affects individuals in many very different ways. 
 
As I work with clients or you work with your own loved ones, we witness those whose memories and oral communication skills are very much intact.  Tom’s family wanted Legacies to capture his story.  He didn’t suffer from memory loss knowing each stage of his life script verbatim.  Marilyn, another Legacies client brought forward more of her narrative than her family had ever heard once we broke the stories down into manageable memories.
 
In both instances, I found that the stress-to-recall behavior played an integral role in framing the account of a life well lived.  Whether working with individuals capable of full scale recollections or those experiencing early stages of memory loss, it is helpful to recognize the role that stress plays as we, with all good intentions solicit memories.
Like a forest regenerating itself, we find those memories deep within the ecosystem of a forest floor reaching to find new life in the overstory, the uppermost canopy of the present day.   
 
With the expanding research on Dementia, updated information surfaces each day helping us identify early signs within our own circle. The distinction between Dementia and Alzheimer’s often causes confusion.  According to the National Institute on Aging (NIA), Dementia is a brain disorder that affects communication and performance of daily activities. Alzheimer’s disease is a form of dementia that specifically affects parts of the brain that control thought, memory and language.  In other words, Dementia is the umbrella with Alzheimer’s as one of many diseases covering a wide range of symptoms.   
 
For those who appreciate visual representations the Alzheimer’s Association provides an excellent Brain Tour at www.alz.org/braintour.   The Brain Tour illustrates the disease using user-friendly terminologies and images describing the disease and its physiological effects on us.  Learn about terms like: Thinking Wrinkles and Neuron Forest.  It’s well worth a visit.   
 
No matter where or when you begin - don’t get caught in the “I wish I would have” mantra.  For so many, time slips away before we know it. 
 
Let’s Get Started ... before it’s too late! 

Mary

Photo by Mattisson Francis Voell.  Ireland.  2004

Stories link past, present and future in a way that tells us where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re going. 
 
THE PAST – Pre-Me
Today, technology enables us to explore past generations, like exploring the darkness of the ocean depths, we shine light onto the narratives of our own ancestral characters, exposing our blood line.  Scientific advancements like the Genome Project www.genome.gov unlock a tentacled self-awareness, exposing a subconscious healing as we gain an understanding of what, and more importantly, ‘who’ made us who we are.     
 
THE PRESENT – Living Our Story.   
I’ve always found the depths of yesterday, the dynamics of today, and the far reaches of tomorrow intriguing.  At a friend’s funeral recently, the homilist reminded us that we carry within our nature the reverberations of all who have been companions on our journey.  That their character, the good, bad and the ugly, is absorbed into our impressionable psyche, our umbuntu – that “I am who I am because of who you are.”      
 
THE FUTURE – Post-Me   
How can we think out into a future, yet unknown to imagine a time when we become the ancestors?  We’ve learned that various cultures plan seven generations into the future, yet our present society limits our long term thinking to only three to five years.  Can we retrain our minds to think On Beyond Z  as Dr. Seuss writes, “There’s no limit to the things you might know, it depends on far beyond zebra you go.”    
 
And what is it that we want to pass on?  What within our narrative demonstrates our values?  In The Last Lecture, Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch describes his frugal middle class childhood and reminds us that the stuff of life isn’t of any importance and what we truly cherish are the lessons.  At 80, Bill, the father of a Legacies client made it his mission to write down his values, knowing that his children were busy living their lives and didn’t have the interest, time or peripheral vision to capture the nuances of living.  Bill’s wife Fannie also looked back to imagine forward and penned for posterity how her very full life impacted her family, at least seven generations forward. 
 
Stephen Covey and others before him asked us to “begin with the end in mind.”  Covey asks us to write our own obituary before we become “one who has come before”.  And finally, a recent favorite from Donald Hall in Essays After 80  "someday, no one will remember, what I remember." 

Helping others to write their stories engages many lifetimes.  What an honor.   

Let’s Get Started ... Before It’s Too Late! 
 
Mary

Mary Patricia Voell

Photo by Phil Warren. 

What is it that motivates us to want to look back through carnival-like multi-directional mirrors to explore times past?  

I look at the photo of my mother on the wall, and wonder what was hidden behind those storied eyes, laugh lines, and tenured silver gray locks.  I yearn to hear mom's stories and dad's jokes, one more time, but now, the responsibility has been silently delegated to a new generation to tell the tales of the past. 
 
The Healing Power of Stories: Creating Yourself through the Stories of your Life by Daniel Taylor, Ph.D. became my go-to bible as I delved deeper into the personal history industry.  The jacket description contends, as therapists have known all along, that “stories have the power to make people whole again.  The key to telling life stories is choosing which fairytales, myths and popular stores we embrace, picking which characters become our heroes and reshaping our world according to the ideals of our favorite stories.”  
 
The academic in me however wanted to know why stories carry so much significance in our lives.  Once again, Taylor offers valuable insight. 

• Story is omnipresent in our lives.
• We live in stories the way fish live in water, breathing them in and out, buoyed up by them.
• We are born into stories; they nurture and guide us through life; they help us know how to die.
• Stories make it possible for us to be human.
• Stories shape how we see ourselves, the world, and our place in it.
   
  Patricia Hampt in Could I Tell You Stories gives us another glimpse as to why we hunger for stories.

• Stories entertain us.
• They provide rehearsals for life.
• They furnish us with the reassurance and guidance we need as we mature.
• Stories teach us that there is a place for us, that we fit.
• Stories turn mere chronology, one thing after another, into the purposeful action of plot, and thereby into meaning.
  
  

These underlying currents may be why we yearn to tell and capture the stories tucked away in the pockets and pages of our lives, especially as we age, so that “my own stories can outlive me”. 
 
Let’s add a little music to our mix.  Born in 1950 you would think I was a Rolling Stones fan.  Not me.  I grew up in the world of Broadway musicals.  But today's technology gives us a chance to relive a familiar past or one we never experienced and revisit the Stones hit Ruby Tuesday - third verse, "there’s no time to lose."  Enjoy.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YJXfcndyvU
 
Let’s Get Started ... Before It’s Too Late! 
 
Mary
 
Mary Patricia Voell
 
 

We’ve all witnessed the genealogy industry explode.  At any moment, day or night, at the touch of a key, millions search and locate characters in their family lineage.  With the ever increasing speed and data available, the ancestral jungle expands in multiple directions reaching deep the roots of the past and planting new generations.      
 
Watching this growth, many ask me how I got into the “storytelling” personal history business.  My response - - it’s a family affair. 

My mother told the history of the stained glass windows in our parish church.  My eldest sister is our family ‘go-to’ historian.  One brother loved to visit cemeteries, another was the videographer at family gatherings, and yet another recorded the departure of my siblings from our family home by traveling through rooms asking each to imagine living there.  Brother number three asks great questions, number five continues to be the campfire storyteller, and my youngest brother has the ultimate listening job, as a neighborhood bar owner.  It doesn’t end there.  A nephew imagined family websites long before they were free and popular, and a sister-in-law was a family-life editor for their local newspaper.  We all continue to enjoy family reunions filled with updated stories and of course, plenty of young’ns enjoying the tall tales, and adding to our family storybook.   So I come from a long line of family history bugs.       
 
All families aren’t as fortunate to have the memory capturing gene, yet want and need help in organizing and chronicling their family history.  Ever since I decided to delve into the world of personal histories, I realized that I didn’t want to spend time searching for long-gone ancestors, but to focus on writing the stories of those on my horizon, those whose stories were being lost with each passing moment. And most of all help others to secure the stories that are still within their reach. 
 
Along the way I’ve found numerous traveling companions, those who have written helpful and insightful books including:

• The Healing Power of Stories by Daniel Taylor  
• Writing Life Stories by Bill Roorbach
• I Could Tell You Stories by Patricia Hampl
• Turning Memories Into Memoirs by Denis Ledoux

 
And if you’d like to add a little humor to your search, or just for fun, check out I’m My Own Grandpa sung by Ray Stevens. I love this one because he creatively tracks it on a family tree.  Good luck!   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYlJH81dSiw
 
Let’s Get Started ... before it’s too late!  Let us know how we can help. 
 
Mary

Mary Patricia Voell